


Magnus’ Birthday

by NiennorNight (Niennor_Night)



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BookSpoilers, M/M, PostPg.511
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 04:53:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6456676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niennor_Night/pseuds/NiennorNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Magnus' birthday and all he wants is to spend it with Alec. But we don't always get what we want... Or do we? Malec! (Set after 511. If you don't know what that is, CoLS SPOILERS!)<br/>(Was originally an oneshot but I cut it in smaller parts to torture you guys! Sorry xD)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dreams and Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters.

Magnus entered his loft tiredly. Chairman Meow ran up to him to greet him meowing and the Warlock picked him up petting him behind the ears. “Hey… How are you darling? Is Alec out?” The kitty purred and meowed and Magnus chuckled. “Yes, I know you can’t answer me…” He left him on the floor muttering, “Now, where’s my favourite Nephilim?” as he walked towards the kitchen, wondering if Alec left him a note. He turned on the light and froze.

The kitchen was decorated with glittery colourful flowers and in the midst of them all, stood Alec holding an equally “glittered” birthday cake. Magnus stared at him almost drooling. He was wearing a pair of tight black jeans and a blue shirt the in the exact shade as his beautiful eyes, that complimented his slender frame, and made his muscles stand out. But the most beautiful thing on him was his smile. He was smiling radiantly at Magnus, his sapphire eyes filled with love, as he said, “Happy Birthday Magnus!!”

The Warlock kept staring at him dumbfounded. “Oh…” he finally said. “I totally forgot… Thank you sayang.”

Alec chuckled moving closer to him. “Make a wish.” Magnus grinned and blew out the question mark candle on the cake, laughing at Alec’s joke. The Nephilim placed the cake on the table and hugged him, putting his arms around his neck, giving him a soft peck on the lips. “So what did you wish for?” He asked, smiling sweetly at his lover.

Magnus leaned closer so their foreheads touched and kissed him again before whispering. “I wished for us to always be together…”

In response, Alec smiled. But it was different this time. Eerie. Magnus blinked surprised and gasped, taking a step back. Alec was no longer smiling, his blue eyes weren’t shining. Instead they were sunken and lifeless with deep dark shadows underneath them, and his skin was even paler than deemed normal. His clothes had changed too. He was wearing one of his holey sweaters again but it was even more tattered than usual and even baggier. He looked unhealthily thin, and very frail. He reached out and touched Magnus’ face softly with the tips of his fingers.

“But that can’t happen my love…” He whispered, the pain evident in his voice. “Because you sent me away, remember?”

Magnus stood there frozen staring at him, trying to speak, when his phone rang.

He ignored it and it rang again and again, causing Alec and everything else to start fading, until he woke up on his bed, alone.

 **~o~**  

“My Alec…” He hid his face in his hands and started sobbing. Sensing his sadness, the Chairman entered the room, jumped on the bed and started purring, trying to make him feel better. To no avail though. Magnus hugged the cat to his chest, still crying, missing Alec unbearably. “Happy Birthday to me…” he whispered laughing bitterly, and got up. He opened his closet and found one of Alec’s sweaters he had hidden away wishing to keep something of his Shadowhunter with him, and on the spur of the moment, he cast a tracking spell on it to see what Alec was doing.

Those blue eyes he loved so much were currently staring at some roses. Then Alec turned his gaze and Magnus realized he was inside a flower shop. "What is he doing there?" he muttered breaking the spell. "Maybe he found a new lover already…" A tear fell from his emerald cat-eyes. "I hope he's happy at last… At least he's safe… But I wish he was here with me…" He whimpered and sighed, hugging the sweater to his chest, inhaling Alec's lingering scent on it. "How could I have been so stupid?" He closed his eyes and fell back on his bed unwilling to face the world, intending to stay inside and wallow in grief all day.

 **~o~**  

He must have fallen asleep again at some point, because some time later he opened his eyes and saw that the sun had moved. It was already noon. Chairman jumped on the bed head-butting him, meowing frustrated to be fed. Magnus sighed. “Fine… I’m getting up, happy?” He said, gently letting the cloth on the bed and walking to the door, not bothering to check his phone which shone, the screen reading: 2 new messages.

In response to his words, the cat circled his legs rubbing his head to his pajama pants and purring. The Warlock went to Chairman’s food bowl and saw it was full. “What did you want then?” He raised an eyebrow towards the tiny cat who naturally only meowed at him. Magnus sighed again and decided to ignore the kitten that had now ran to the loft’s door and was sniffing it. “I’m not letting you out…” he only muttered and headed to the couch wishing to just lie there staring at the ceiling for the rest of the wretched day.

However, before he could do so, he heard a rustling, and turned just in time to see a letter sliding inside the loft from underneath the door. He walked to it, picking it up curiously, grateful for the distraction, and gasped when he saw the familiar handwriting on the envelope, spelling _“Magnus Bane.”_


	2. Don't Go...

Not caring that he was barefoot, shirtless and wearing only a pair of loose pajama pants, he threw the door open and ran down the stairs, still clutching the unopened letter in his hand. On the turn of the stairs he saw him, clad in black, disappearing at the corner. “Wait!” He cried out and sped up, finally reaching him on the next floor and grabbing his arm. The boy froze, and Magnus spoke, gasping, not taking the time to catch his breath. “W-wait… A- Ale- xan…” He flinched, and the Warlock amended hastily, hurt by his reaction. “Alec…”

The Shadowhunter remained still, not saying a word, his back still turned on Magnus. The Warlock tugged his hand gently. “Please, can you look at me?” He said, but Alec still didn’t move. “ ** _Please._** ” Magnus whispered, the pain evident in his voice, and that did it. Alec turned at last, a little too fast, surprise settling in his features, making Magnus drop his hand.

Once the Nephilim faced his former lover though, his expression changed immediately, from surprised to anguished. Magnus wasn’t any different. He gasped, seeing Alec who looked just as he did at the end of his dream. The boy was looking like he hadn’t slept or eaten properly in days. Then he dropped his head, causing his raven unruly hair that had grown longer, to cover his sunken blue eyes. “I’m sorry…” He muttered. “I know you didn’t want to see me again… I…” his voice broke and he shook his head, falling silent.

Magnus wanted to say so many things. To apologise, to plead with him not to go, to beg for his forgiveness… But he looked at him and couldn’t speak a word, guilt overpowering every other emotion. _‘I did this to him…’_ He thought of Alec, not so long ago; it hadn’t even been a month, yet it felt like years. He used to be happy and full of life. They both did… _‘And now…’_

The Shadowhunter looked up, shattering his train of thought. “I’m sorry.” He repeated. “I won’t bother you again.” He turned to leave once more, and Magnus saw something shining in left hand. He looked at the red rose with glitter all over its petals, mesmerized, remembering both the dream, and seeing Alec in the flower shop. The roses in the shop were plain… But in his dream, they looked exactly like that.

Alec started walking away, and Magnus snapped back to reality. “No!! Wait!” He grabbed the boy’s right hand, making him freeze in his tracks again. “Alec… Can we talk?”

“About what?” He answered with a question, his voice a broken whisper. “You said you didn’t want to see me again…”

Magnus squeezed his hand carefully. _‘He looks so frail…’_ “I want to talk about that.”

The Nephilim slowly turned to look at him, his blue eyes falling on the envelope on his hand. “You have my part of that talk right there…” He said lowly. “Won’t you read it first?”

Magnus’ heart skipped a beat. _‘He hates me now…’_ he thought sure that the letter was just telling him that, and that he never wants to see him again. _‘Still… Please let me stay with you a bit longer… For the last time… Just for today… Or Forever… Even though I don’t deserve that gift…’_ “Alexander…”

“Don’t.” The eldest Lightwood cut him off. “ **Please**. Don’t call me that.”

The Warlock stared at him, his cat-eyes wide, seeing the pain reflected in his blue ones. “I’m sorry… Alec… Are you busy?”

“No.” he said averting his gaze again. “Izzy made me take a day off.”

“And you don’t have to be anywhere?” Magnus asked, thinking of the rose, sure that Alec was on his way to somewhere else, **_‘To someone else…’_** his despair making him dismiss the signs in his ‘favour’.

The boy looked at him like he was stupid, raising an eyebrow, finally looking a bit more alive. “No?”

“Oh… Okay… Will you please come up then?” Alec bit his lip skeptical. “ ** _Please._** ” Magnus said again and the Nephilim sighed, nodding. The Warlock gestured for him to go first, to make sure he wouldn’t run away once he was out of sight. He watched him as he walked, his shoulders hunched. He looked as if he was in pain, but still, Magnus couldn’t take his eyes off him. _‘I missed you so much…’_

Alec reached the threshold and stopped. The door was wide open and Magnus felt a stab of pain realizing Alec was waiting for his permission to enter the loft, as if he was a stranger.

“Go on…” he said softly, and he did. As soon as he stepped inside, he was ‘attacked’ by a howling Chairman Meow, who jumped at him, licking his face once Alec took him in his arms. Magnus scowled at the cat, wishing he could be so open with his feelings too, wanting nothing more than to hug Alec and kiss him. The Shadowhunter was muttering softly, speaking to Chairman, then kissed his head and left him on the floor. The kitten stayed around his legs though, not leaving him.

“Please have a sit…” Magnus said, his voice low, and Alec obeyed. The Warlock moved to sit on a couch across from him, not too far, so if he leaned close, he could touch him. “The Chairman missed you…” he said moving his head to the cat’s direction. Once Alec had sat down, the kitten had jumped on his lap, purring.

“I missed him too…” he answered petting him, and Magnus ached to ask.

 _‘What about me? Did you miss **me**?’_ But he remained silent, only watching him, and Alec didn’t speak either, his eyes fixed on the cat lying on his lap.


	3. The Letter

For a while, nothing but Chairman’s loud purring disturbed the silence, until, unable to take it anymore, Magnus reached out and touched the Shadowhunter’s face gently. Alec jolted like he’d been slapped and looked at him, his eyes wide, and Magnus dropped his hand hastily, feeling a stab of pain at his reaction.

“Alexander… When was the last time you slept properly?” he asked softly, looking at the deep shadows underneath his tired blue eyes, worried for his beloved.

“I don’t remember.” He whispered, not meeting his gaze.

Magnus sighed, and the Nephilim dropped his head once more. There was more silence, until Alec finally spoke again, his voice hesitant. “Aren’t you going to read it?”

“I will…”

More silence.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

Magnus was looking down at the letter he was clutching on his trembling hands, knowing that once he read it, it would be a matter of time for Alec to leave again. And he wanted him to stay a little longer. _‘But that’s impossible… He surely hates me now after all I put him through.’_ He sighed again. _‘If I can’t have him, at least I can do something for him so he will be better…’_ So he looked up again and asked abruptly.

“What about eating?”

“What?” the boy asked surprised, not understanding.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Oh… I… I don’t know.”

Magnus frowned. He had thought as much. “I will make you a deal.”

Alec looked at him again, curiously, his blue eyes regaining some of their former spark. “What kind of deal?”

“If you want me to read the letter you will eat something first.”

Alec lifted Chairman off him and gently left him on the couch beside him, as he got up. “Then I guess I should go. I didn’t expect you to read it anyway, in the first place. I knew you wouldn’t want to bother with it.”

 **“ _Alexander._ ” **He reprimanded, referring to him leaving without eating, trying to hide his hurt at the rest of his words. _‘How can you believe that?’_

Alec flinched slightly, but recovered and said in a dull voice tone, making it evident he was tired or repeating those words. “I’m not hungry…”

“I’m not letting you leave this house if you don’t eat something first.” Magnus declared, waving his hand and locking the door with an audible click, believing that would work. He was sure the Shadowhunter hated being there…

Alec surprised him by falling back on the couch, instead of complaining and asking to be let go. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.” He laughed mirthlessly. “Now you want me to stay for… who knows how much longer?”

“What are you…?” he muttered not understanding, and then it clicked, and he shouted at him, his eyes wide with horror, at merely the thought. ***** “ **Alexander**!!”

“What…?” he asked, sounding mildly interested.

“You must have been eating, or else you’d be unable to walk by now!!”

“I did… Izzy forced me to…”

 _‘Good girl.’_ Magnus thought and raised an eyebrow, relaxing a little. “Impressive. How did she manage it?”

Alec frowned deeply. “She started crying and told me she didn’t want to lose another brother…”

“That was low…” Magnus muttered. “But I’m glad she did it…”

“ **Why**?” asked Alec his voice laced with despair. “Why would you care?”

“Sayang…” Magnus whispered, hurt by the disbelief in his voice. _‘Do you really think I hate you?’_

“What? What does that mean?”

Magnus blinked. “What does what, mean?”

“Sayang.” Alec said.

“Oh… Did I…?” The Warlock muttered. He hadn't realized he said it. But the way the word slipped off Alec's tongue did things to him. He wished he could have heard his Angel say that word to him and mean it.  _'Never gonna happen… He hates me now_ … _'_ "Nothing, it's nothing…" He said dismissing the thought with an inward sigh, looking deep into his cerulean eyes. "Alec. Please.  _ **Please**_  eat something…"

He stared back at him and sighed defeated. “Fine. I don’t understand why it’s so important to you, but fine.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“It **_is_** important…” Magnus muttered sadly but Alec said nothing. Magnus sighed again, the weight on his heart unbearable. _‘I didn’t think our next meeting would go like that… But at least I got to see him…’_ He waved his hand once, emptying the table of everything on it, and then waved it once more and all of Alec’s favourite foods appeared on it.

“Magnus…” The boy scolded, and the Warlock smiled hearing him say his name again, being reminded of the time they were together.

“One last time…” he said, and Alec dropped his head, biting his lip.

“As you wish…” He said, his voice laced with unshed tears, as the last tiny shred of hope he kept, was crushed by Magnus’ words.  _‘Of course it's the last time…’_  he told himself. ‘ _He doesn't want me… He is only making me eat because he's feeling guilty…’_

More silence, and since Alec wasn’t making any move to eat, Magnus cleared his throat. “Okay then. I will start reading now and you will eat, okay?”

“Okay…” he answered half-heartedly still not moving.

“You first.” Magnus ordered sternly, but then he added, his voice soft. “C’mon Alexander…”

He sighed and reached out taking a bite. He chewed staring at him. “Happy?”

Magnus smiled softly at him. “A bit, yeah… Go on.” Alec nodded sighing again and kept eating slowly, fixing his eyes on Magnus while the Warlock opened the envelope. The older man bit his lip suppressing a gasp when he saw the tearstains on the letter but said nothing and started reading.

**~o~**

> “Magnus.
> 
> I know you said you never wanted to see me again so I wrote you all the things I will never be able to tell you. After this, I will never bother you again. I just wanted you to know…
> 
> First of all, I am sorry. So unbelievably sorry. I know you don’t care, and I know it doesn’t matter. As you said, it doesn’t change anything. But I am. I have never been more sorry in my whole life.
> 
> I didn’t know I had everything, until I lost you and was left alone in the darkness, with nothing at all…
> 
> I know I do not deserve your forgiveness and so I will not ask for it. But I wanted you to know the truth. I never meant to hurt your feelings. However, those are the only thing I would **_ever_** hurt. I would **NEVER** shorten your life, even if mine depended on it.
> 
> I wanted you to know that. Even though the fact is I **_did_** hurt you, and I will forever regret it, just like I will forever regret losing the best thing to ever happen to me.
> 
> I love you more than anything and I hope you will find the person you really deserve and be happy with them forever. I wish I could have been that person, but I don’t deserve you. I never did… {the tearstains intensified here}
> 
> Happy birthday Magnus.


	4. Happy Birthday (?)

Halfway though, Magnus turned his cat-eyes, wide open with surprise, on Alec, but the Shadowhunter immediately dropped his gaze embarrassed, pretending to focus on the food.

By the end of the letter the Warlock was sobbing quietly. Alec raised his eyes on him again, to check his progress and gasped. “Magnus? Are you okay?”

“Is… Is that… true?” he choked out.

Alec looked away. “Every word…”

Magnus nodded, trying to regain his composure. _‘He loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he really loves me…’_ “Did you eat?” he asked simply.

Alec stared at him for a moment, hurt that this was all he had to say and nodded, staring down. “Yes, thank you.” He got on his feet once more. “I guess you want me to go…” Without waiting for his answer, not wanting to be sent away a second time, he turned his back on him and moved towards the door.

Magnus shot up and grabbed his arm stopping him in place. “Wait.”

“Why? You heard all I had to say… I…” _‘…can't take it if you tell me it's over again…’_

Magnus tugged at his hand in a sudden motion making him turn his way losing his balance. Alec gasped, but Magnus caught him in his arms, squeezing him tightly, burying his face into his raven hair, inhaling his scent. “But **_you_** didn’t hear what **_I_** had to say… I love you.” He whispered holding him close, the way he wanted to, since the moment he saw him. “I love you so much… I can’t live without you. Please, please stay with me…”

The boy froze in his arms not believing the words he heard, wondering if his tired mind was making up the things he needed to hear. “Magnus…”

“Please forgive me… I should have listened, I should have…” He muttered squeezing him tighter.

Alec hesitantly reached out and hugged him back, tying his hands behind his lower back. “Are you sure…? I thought you hated me now…” He whispered confirming Magnus’ previous thoughts.

“I could **_never_** hate you… Even if you **_had_** shortened my life, I wouldn’t be able to hate you… ”

“Magnus I swear, I would never…” Alec choked out. “Please believe me…”

“Hush…” he crooned “I believe you baby…”

He nodded, leaning on the Warlock’s naked shoulder, his tears falling on his warm skin, as he chanted “I’m sorry” again and again. Magnus gently led him towards the couch, not letting go, and sat down pulling him on his lap, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, waiting for him to calm down as they both cried tears of sadness and relief, letting everything go.

After a few minutes Alec relaxed, and turned to look at him, his blue eyes red from crying but no longer lifeless as they were before. There was a new spark on them now. He reached out to wipe a tear from the Warlock’s cat-eyes and whispered, “Magnus…?”

“What is it sayang?” he whispered back.

A questioning look passed over him eyes again and he repeated his previous question instead of what he was about to say. “What does that mean after all?”

Magnus smiled gently at him “My beloved.”

Alec’s eyes widened as he looked at him. “But you… You said that before reading the letter…”

“So?”

“Didn’t you forgive me because of that?”

Magnus squeezed him to his chest once more. “My Alec… I had forgiven you long ago… The letter only showed me that **_you_** didn’t hate me for what I did to you…”

Alec shook his head leaning back to look at his eyes. “How could I hate you? You were right to leave me. I betrayed your trust, I deserved much worse. Though I can’t think of **_anything_** worse you could have done to punish me. Losing you was…”

Magnus placed a finger over his lips silencing him. “Shh… Don’t say that please… I’m so sorry…”

Alec nodded, his blue eyes intent on Magnus’ emerald ones and kissed his finger. “It doesn’t matter anymore… Everything is going to be okay now… Right?”

“Yes…” Magnus smiled. “As long as we’re together, everything is going to be just fine…”

Alec smiled too “There’s something else…” he said and Magnus raised an eyebrow, half panicking, despite everything, wondering what it could be. The Nephilim reached out to the table, trying to stay in his arms, and Magnus chuckled at his efforts to not put distance between them, and leaned with him. He grabbed the rose he had left at the table, once he sat down, and which was just lying there forgotten since then. “That was for you…” He said blushing, holding the rose between them. “Though it’s half-dead now…” he muttered looking down. “Sorry.”

Magnus smiled brightly, taking Alec’s hand that was holding the rose, in his own. Everything made sense now. “It’s beautiful! Thank you so much.” He kissed his beloved’s hand and then the rose, which shone blue for a moment and immediately looked more alive.

Suddenly Alec chuckled and Magnus raised his eyes at him, feeling his heart leap with happiness at the sound. _‘I love it so much when you laugh…’_ He thought, but only said, smiling at him. “What’s funny darling?”

“You were ‘glitter-less’ before, but now there’s glitter on your lips…” he chuckled again.

Magnus smirked. “Is that so?” Alec nodded, his eyes shining, and the Warlock who wasn’t about to lose such a perfect chance, closed the distance between them and kissed him.

Alec was stunned for merely a moment before responding to the kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck, and tangling his fingers in his raven hair, holding him close.

“Now there’s glitter on **_your_** lips too…” Magnus whispered, still smirking, when they separated to breathe.

“Well, you always wanted to get glitter on me…” Alec laughed once more, and Magnus joined him. “Consider it another birthday gift.”

The Warlock pulled him closer once more, smiling warmly at him. “The greatest gift is having you here with me again…”

Alec put his hands on his Warlock’s face and smiled back with so much love, that Magnus had to hold himself back to not hug him again and smother him with kisses.

"I love you so much…" The boy said, looking deep into his eyes.

“I love you too… My Alexander…”

With no warning Alec pulled him close again, kissing him breathlessly. “Happy Birthday Magnus…”

“Thanks for remembering…” He whispered against his lips, mirroring his lover’s past words.


End file.
